Oringal Posting: 2009 - 2010
So, as some of you may know, I am going through a divorce and subsequent custody battle with my ex. For the most part, I have kept mum on the entire subject, including the actual marriage. But today, I am done. There are many skeptics and criticizers out there who formerly were my friends. Yes, I cheated on my husband; that is true and that seems to be their focus and their basis for why I am the evil bitch that destroyed our marriage.
But here my, pretties, is the awful truth about your precious, blameless friend whom you all seem to have deemed worthy of being labeled the innocent victim. I am putting it all out there and maybe you will see the person for who he really is and judge me a little bit less.
Excerpts are taken from a court document I was asked to write up when trying to obtain a PPO. This document, by the way, was 12 pages long and filled with crap that I have had to put up with for the last 5 or so years. And this my friends, as they say, is just the tip of the iceberg.
"To be honest, I don’t even know where to start. The abuse has been going on for so long that it’s hard to remember, but I will try to do my best.
The first instance was right after we starting dating about 5 or so years ago. I had set the alarm so he could get up for work in the morning, but for some reason, the alarm never went off. This set him off because he was going to be late for work and he doesn't like to be late for work. In his haste to get to work on time, he left without his cell phone. I had to go to work as well so when I saw the phone sitting there, I took it. For no reason other than to be spiteful because he was yelling at me about the alarm not going off and making him late. When he came back for the cell phone we got into a huge fight. I don’t remember all the details since it was so long ago, but I remember he went into my truck and dumped out my purse. When I told him that I had the phone in my pocket and I would give it back if he just talked to me calmly for a second, he wrestled me, ripped my coat and pushed me to the ground to get it back. I have at least two witnesses to this.
We have gotten into many physical altercations over the years. Even when I was pregnant with our first son. I don't recall the day, but I came into work and ended up going to the ER because I was worried about the baby. It seemed like he wasn't moving as much. At first, I told the doctor's that the dog jumped on my stomach while I was laying on the couch, which was true, but that was a couple of days before. The more I thought about it, I knew I had to tell the truth because if there was something wrong with the baby, they would need to know exactly what happens so they could properly diagnose it. So I told the doctor the truth, and following procedure, he called the police. When they came, I had to tell them everything that happens. I also had to call the police on him one other time right after our first son was born; We were fighting and he wouldn't give me the baby and he kicked me in the stomach. That is probably on file with the police as well.
There have been various things over the years that I think amounts to mental abuse and false imprisonment. He takes my keys so I can't leave. He blocks doorways so I can't leave. He tells me if I leave he will throw all my stuff away. He found a website that hacked into my cell phone and read my text messages.
One day, we had plans to go out with some friends of his, but we had gotten into a fight before we went out. I told him that I didn't want to be around him and I didn't want to go out. He could go by himself but I was going to stay home. He told me that if I wasn't going then he wasn't going and I needed to call them to tell them as much. I said "They are your friends! I am choosing not to go because I don't want to be around you right now. I am not stopping you from going. If you choose not to go out with them, you call them and tell them. That is your decision, not mine.'" WE argued this point for several minutes with him repeatedly telling me that I needed to call them to tell them we weren't coming or he was going to break up with me, and I was only doing this to him because I knew that he didn't like going out by himself or some crap. I told him I knew nothing or was doing nothing of the sort, I just didn't want to go out anymore and I wasn't going to call them. He could still go out with them but it was his decision not too, but I wasn't going to be doing any calling. I remember that conversation ended with me crying in the other room because my friggin' head hurt so much from all the twisting he was trying to do with my brain. This type of thing happened frequently throughout our relationship.
Back in late October/ early November, I misplaced my phone, so while I was a work, he looked for it for me. He told me earlier in the day that he found it. When I got home, he told me that he had filed for divorce and that he was going to try to take the kids from me, I got upset and said I wanted to leave. I went into, what was our bedroom at the time, to try to find my phone, but he rushed in there and took his keys off the desk. Then he started going through my purse. At the time we only had one vehicle. I believe I tried to grab him to get him away from my purse. I told him I just wanted my phone and I wanted to leave, but he refused to give up the phone saying that he never found it. I kept insisting that he give me the phone while I continued to pack my stuff. He called the police on me telling them that I had just gone crazy and flipped out because he was filing for divorce and I was scaring the kids. The whole time I'm yelling, “Give me my phone! I want to leave” because I wanted to make sure the police officer heard me.
He continued to deny that he had my phone and told me that he would call someone for me. So I had him call a friend to come pick me up. In the time it took for my friend to come he explained to me that he had found a website that you can use to get other people's text messages. So he had read some text messages of mine and that's what pissed him off and he filed for divorce. Then he told me that he didn't really file for divorce, but he did go talk to a lawyer, he just said that stuff to scare me. He eventually gave me back my phone, my friend showed up and I left. I did talk to a police officer on the phone before I left who asked me a bunch of questions. I tried to explain that Rick was a liar and I wanted to leave, all I wanted was my cell phone but he refused to give it back to me. Rick told the officer that he didn't have my phone, so the officer said that I couldn't do anything about it.
He would shut off my cell phone service, just to be spiteful whenever he got mad when he knows that is my only communication with the outside world, even though I paid for the phone and I pay for the service, but we were under the same contract. Thankfully, that is no longer a problem.
Another thing he has done is block me from leaving in my car.
One night I had plans to go out, which he knew about and we had previously agreed on. I came home from picking the kids up from daycare. I was getting my things ready and taking care of the kids when he started asking me a bizarre line of questions.
First, he asked me if I would say what I did was immoral. I said yes. He asked me if I would say that I was promiscuous. I said no. Then he asked me if I knew the meaning of the word and I said yes, it means being a slut. He said it meant to have sex with different partners. I said, well I guess if you put in like that, then I guess I would have to yes, I was promiscuous. Then he asked me another question, which at this time, I can't recall, but it sounded very legal-eeze, so I told him I did not like his line of questioning and I was not going to answer any more of his questions.
Well, then he started hounding me about why I wouldn't answer the question and why didn't I like his line of questioning. The whole time this is going on I'm changing the kid's diapers and giving them dinner. I saw him walk into his bedroom and I thought I heard him grab his keys. I thought he was going to try to leave so that I couldn't leave, just to be spiteful because he knew I had plans. So I quickly grabbed my keys and jetted for the door, with him behind me on my heels.
I reached my car and when I tried to shut the door, he stood in my way. I kept telling him to get out of my way to let me go. He kept telling me that he would let me go if I just came in the house and talked to him. I told him I did not want to talk to him, I wanted to leave and I had every right to leave. He repeatedly told me that he would let me leave if I would just talk to him. He also said that if I leave, he would leave and that would make me a bad parent because I left our kids alone in the house. I told him no, we already agreed that I would be going out that night and he knew it; so if he left after I left, then he would be the asshole for leaving his kids in the house. We argued like this for a few minutes when I realized that I had left my purse in the minivan. I couldn't leave without my driver's license so I had to get out of the car. I got my purse out of the van, but he would not allow me to get back into the car. We stood outside yelling and fighting with each other for several more minutes; him trying to convince me to come back inside to talk to him, me telling him to get out of my way because I wanted to leave. All the while the kids were alone in the house, crying.
I finally agreed to go back into the house because the kids were in there, not because he asked me too. I started walking back toward the house with Rick behind me. Words were exchanged, some of which I can remember, some of which I can’t. The ones I can remember are the important ones. He told me that he would try to take the kids from me. “Well, this is a women’s state, so unless I am a crack whore, there’s no way in hell you’re taking those kids away from me, so your fucked buddy!” I replied as I walked into the house, thinking Rick was behind me.
I went into the kitchen and started tending to the kids, waiting for Rick to come and talk to me. I waited for a bit while I took care of the boys then said, “If you want to come talk to me, you better come talk to me because I am leaving in 10 minutes.” I repeated myself a few minutes later. Finally, I looked around the house, calling for Rick and could not find him. I thought he had gone into his bedroom, so I went back there to look. I opened the door and said, “What are you doing?!!” but the lights were off and he was not in there. That’s when I realized that he was not home. I figured when I walked into the house, he had doubled back and left in the van. I looked outside in the driveway and saw that the van was not there.
My cell phone had gotten left in the van so I had no way of contacting anybody. Just then Rick came back up the driveway in the van and I ran out so that I could get my cell phone and I said: “What the fuck are you doing?!” As I headed to the van to get my cell phone, he tried to prevent me from getting to it. I told him I just wanted my phone, that it was mine and I paid for it. He told me he would get it for me. I told him I was perfectly capable of getting it myself. I grabbed my phone and car charger out of the van and started heading back toward the house. Rick followed apologizing to me the whole time. I told him to leave me alone and I went to my room. He stood outside my door telling me how sorry he was and he knew that wasn’t the right thing to do so that’s why he came back and if I didn’t want to talk to him I didn’t have too. I told him I just wanted him to leave me alone and I wanted to get out of the house. He apologized to me some more and I finally got into my car and left.
He has no respect for me or my things. He thinks he has free reign to do whatever he wants to my stuff, but if I think about going anywhere near his stuff, boy, you better watch out.
Back in December, Rick told me a story about a gun. I think it was shortly after the cell phone incident that we had gotten into another fight. I’m not sure what it was over but we were on the phone and we were talking about stuff, what I don’t recall, but then he started saying stuff to me like “Would you care if I went away for a while?” and “Would you care if I wasn’t around?” The conversation ended with him telling me to tell the boys that he loved them. He told me goodbye and not to call him again. We did not have the kids that night as they were staying with my mom per the usual arrangement. I was headed over to my boyfriend’s house to spend the night, leaving him at home alone.
The next day I had to work pick up the kids from my Mom and Dad's after. I tried contacting Rick several times because I was worried about him after the way the conversation had ended the previous night. I assumed he was still alive because I had not received a phone call stating otherwise. I didn’t even know if he had gone to work that day. I did not know what to expect when I got home; whether he would be alive or dead or still angry or fine.
I got home with the kids and he pulled in the drive just shortly after. We went about our business without saying a word to each other. He just took the boys and starting making them dinner. I went to my room to make my bed.
I was trying to make my bed (by now we had separate rooms) had left my pillows in his room from a previous night that we stayed in there and watched TV. I asked him, with much hesitance, if I could go in his room and get them. He ignored me. I asked again several times and got the same response. So finally I told him that I was just going to go in there and get them. He told me “Not to go in his fucking room.” So I said, “Well, I have asked you politely three times if I can go get them, so please answer me.” Again, he ignored me. Finally, knowing full well what would happen, I went to the door of his room and grabbed the handle and stood there. Again, he started yelling not to go in his room. But I opened the door and went in to grab my pillows off his bed. Like a flash, he came from the kitchen to his room at the other end of the house and started trying to rip the pillows out of my hand. I kept saying, “Give them back they are mine! What the hell are you doing?’ Yet he managed to rip the pillows out of my hand and started shoving me out the door with his body. And we were wrestling and he was pushing me; All right in front of our son.
So after the altercation of my trying to get my pillows back, I told him I was going to leave and went to my room to start packing some things. He came into my room and told him to get out. If I wasn’t allowed in his room, he was not allowed in mine. He kept begging me to calm down and talk to him. I told him “No, get the hell out of my room. I’m done listening to you.” This went back and forth for a bit when he suddenly just broke down in tears, like crying hysterically. He just kept repeating for me to calm down and talk to him and I kept telling him that I didn’t want to. Then he blurts out that he bought a gun the night before. I, being completely skeptical and incredulous, did not believe him one bit. He has a history of concocting stories to get you to believe or do what he wants. So I immediately called him a liar and if that is what he was going to say to get me to feel sorry for him, it wasn’t going to work. He maintained that he wasn’t lying and this is the story that he told me:
[Sic] He said that he called up his stepbrother Perry and told him he wanted to buy a gun so that he could use it on Lewis, my new boyfriend. Whether his intention was to kill or harm, I’m not sure, I didn’t really ask. So he went with Perry to Detroit where he purchased a handgun of some kind - he told me but all I remember about it is he said it was a small handgun, a one-shooter, like you could hide in your sock or something- anyway, he said that after he got it, he drove and found a deserted back road next to a farm, where he attempted to use the gun to shoot himself, but it didn’t go off. So he threw it into the farmer’s field and drove off.
The other day he made me mad and we got into a fight and I said I wanted to leave. I was going to take me and the kids to my parent’s house, but he said something about me running away from my responsibilities, which made me mad so I told him, “Fine, you figure out what to do with the kids then.” He was scheduled to go out later that night and plow snow, so he said: “You know I have to work!” So I told him to call his sister. He went outside to get the van ready to take him and the boys over to his sisters. When I went outside, he was using the scraper from my car. I said, “Stay the fuck out of my car.” He said, “This is MY brush.” I told him that I knew it was but he had no right to go into my car without asking.
This prompted a huge fight because he emptied my stuff out of the van into the snow. So I went inside to see what of his I could throw in the snow. I found a clock that I had given him and a pair of shoes -that I knew he didn’t want, and some batteries to a video game. I went outside and announced what I had. As he started coming toward, fully expecting him to try and wrestle the stuff away from me, I threw the stuff in the snow. He then proceeded to run into the house, lock both the lock and the deadbolt and while I was trying to get in, he threw my purse in the snow, with my $500 cell phone, my $300 mp3 player, pictures of my kids, my wallet, my checkbook - pretty much everything valuable to me. I noticed the next day that several things were missing so I had to go back and look through the snow to find them.
He constantly goes into my room, even though we agreed that after we separated rooms, we would respect each other’s space. He is always going into my room when I’m not home to get the Internet cable off my computer, without asking. I know he is because the night before it is attached to my computer at one end of the room when I come home from work, it is lying on the floor in the doorway at the other.
He filed for divorce on December 23, 2008. On Christmas Day, he wanted to talk about some stuff, I don’t remember what, but in any case, it came out that he had found some papers of mine on divorce, which it what prompted him to file. He tried to tell me that he found the papers on the floor behind the couch, which I knew to be false. I knew exactly where these papers had been in my room. When I tried to call him out on it and get him to admit that he went into my room, he refused. I was furious so I went to my room and my youngest son followed. I wanted to spend some time away from him with my son. So I shut the door to my room and started playing with him. He’s yelling at me through the door saying that I was keeping our son hostage from him and I couldn’t do that. I told him I was enjoying time with MY son, in MY room. He told me that if I wanted to do that then I could go in the living room where we could both see him. I told him he couldn’t tell me what to do anymore. During this back and forth, I had slammed the door in his face several times and he had opened it back up and even held his foot up a few times to prevent me from closing it. (I have a witness, that was on the phone with me at the time and heard all the yelling.) He then proceeded to call the police and told them that I was crazy and holding our son hostage.
By the time the officer came, I was very upset. I had been on the phone with my friend telling them that I couldn’t take his bullshit anymore. He was a lying, conniving, manipulating, sneaky, bi-polar, mentally abusive asshole and I couldn’t take any of it anymore. That guy can convince a lady in white gloves to eat a ketchup Popsicle. He sat there calmly telling the police officer that he was just sitting on the couch and when I came and snatched my son out of his hands and was going crazy and took him in my room. The officer told Rick that he had to leave, but Rick refused. I know he has a key to his sister’s house, he has always had a key to his sister’s house but he lied to the officer and told him that she took it back. Which I know to be VERY untrue. So with both of us staying in the house, the officer worked out a peace agreement for us to spend time, fairly and individually, with our kids. Our oldest was taking a nap at the time, and it would soon be bedtime for the youngest.
Since I had been with the youngest in my room, when the oldest got up from his nap I was to go get him and be with him for about a half hour or so. He took a pretty late nap that night so by the time he got up, it was almost bedtime. Anyhow, so I was to watch TV with my oldest son and put our youngest to bed. Then after time, he would spend time with the oldest and put him to bed. When our oldest woke up, he went and got him and I found Rick in the kitchen with Carter on his lap. I told him it was my time and I wanted my son. So he sent Carter to me. Rick was supposed to go in a different room to be with Everett but somehow we all ended up playing in the living room together which made me mad because the police officer had said that we were not to be in the same room. I wanted to say something but thought better of it because I didn’t feel like getting into again. Rick tried talking to me but I ignore him. He tried being nice to me telling me about this toy that I was playing with my son. I told him not to talk to me. He told me that he didn’t care, we could put Carter to bed together as usual and I said "no, I’m going to do what the officer told me to do."
Thursday, January 15th, he called me 6 times while I was away at lunch. So when I got back I called him. And this is how the conversation went:
(ring ring)
Rick: Nevermind
Kelly: ok
Rick: I guess today is your lucky day
Kelly: Ok, why is today my lucky day?
Rick: Cause I found my tv remote.
Kelly: Ok, why is today my lucky day because you found your TV remote?
Rick: Cause yer shit would be out in the snow
Kelly: You can’t just assume that I did something to your stuff! I didn’t fu…..
Rick: (dial tone)
I tried calling back, but he hung up on me again. I tried to go about doing my job but I had an anxiety attack. I was standing at the fax machine when my chest started to hurt and I couldn’t breathe. I started hyperventilating. My legs started to go weak and I got a touch of tunnel vision. I thought I was going to pass out. This happens every time I talk to him on the phone or even have to be around him. I do not feel me or my possessions are safe around him.
He calls me at work all the time because he knows it upsets me. And also because he knows I’m not allowed to get personal phone calls at work because my new supervisor is a jerk and I will get in trouble. Yet he constantly calls me on my personal line at work to talk to me about stuff, like bills and lawyers and the house and the cars.
Last week he called me at work because he wants to keep the van, but I am the primary on the loan. He tried to get financing on his own but he can’t. He called me up at work the other day telling me that Chase bank told him that even if I file for bankruptcy on the van if he is in possession of it and makes the payments then I would default on the loan, but he wouldn’t. Then at the end of four years when it was paid off, I would need to sign something saying that the van was his free and clear. I expressed to him that I wanted my name off of the van, I wanted nothing to do with the van, and he was not going to drive around in a vehicle with my name on it. He told me too bad, that wasn’t going to happen. I told him I would talk to my lawyer and he said “Fine, you take your action, I’ll take mine.” So I said fine and hung up. I then had to call my mother so she could calm me down. I don’t want to be upset at work anymore.
Prior to that, he called to say that unless I come up with something else, he was going to give the dog to the pound. I told him we couldn’t do that to her and we had previously agreed that we would both try and find her a good home. Well, he was frustrated because I had been working late that week covering for a co-worker who was on vacation and the responsibility of the dog was falling on him. I could go into a whole history of the responsibility of the dog for the last 3 or 4 years but I won’t. Basically, he told me that it was my fault that she would have to go to the pound if I didn’t come up with a better plan because he couldn’t come up with one and he didn’t want to take care of her anymore. Then he hung up.
I would like him to stop calling me at work.
As far as the kids go, I don’t think he will harm the kids, but I wouldn’t put it past him to try and take the kids when he finds out I’m fighting for full custody. After the phone conversation about the TV remote yesterday, I have had enough. I have been trying to find a place to live and thought I had one, but it fell through. I want to rent a U-Haul and storage space, gather up a bunch of friends, pack up my things this weekend and move in with my parents until I find suitable housing. On the advice of my lawyer, I was told to move out and take the kids. Based on our violent history together, this is not going to be an easy task. I would just like to pack my things and move out in peace. I don’t want any trouble and I don’t want him to try and come take the kids from daycare next week. Because even though I will be living with my parents, they will still need to go to daycare three days a week in Saline, until I have found them suitable daycare near my parents home.
Until the custody dispute is settled, I want him to stay away from me and my kids. After, I want him to stay away from me permanently. He will make my life a living hell until the day that I die for fighting for custody of those kids. It will push him over the edge.
He has threatened to take the kids from me on numerous occasions. After the fight where we threw each other’s stuff in the snow, I told him I would be back in the morning to get the kids because they go to my parent’s on Sunday nights. He told me that he wasn’t going to answer the phone so good luck trying to find them. I told him that I had to be at my mom’s at 3pm so I would be at the house then to pick them up. He said, “Well, that’s too bad then.”
He has an extremely volatile temper. I don’t know if there is any record of this, but I know he brutally beat the lover of his first ex-wife and his sister’s ex also when they found out he was cheating on her. I don’t know all the details, but I know for the beating of his ex-wife’s lover, he had to pay a bunch of fines. I don’t know if he was able to do that so he could stay out of court or what but I know he had to put out some money. I don’t believe he went to court for beating up his sister’s ex, but I can name some witnesses who were there and saw him do it.
One time when our oldest son was just 3 weeks old, we were driving down the freeway and someone cut us off. He chased that car for miles trying to mess with the other driver; Weaving in and out of traffic and high rates of speed, scaring the crap out of me and my friend that was in the back seat. He wanted to get out of the car and beat that guy up.
Another time, I was not with him, he told me that some kid cut off him off while he was driving. When they were stopped at a light, he went to the guy's window. I don’t remember what kind of tool it was that he said he had, but he said he tapped the guys window with it and busted it out.
He is constantly doing shitty things to me but when I try to be just as shitty back, he tries to make me feel guilty.
Just now he came into my room and asked me why I was home from work today. I told him that I was home because I was moving and I wanted to pack my stuff. I told him I wanted my things that are in his bedroom and I have some personal stuff that is on the desktop computer - the computer he bought but we shared, just as I bought and shared the laptop - that I wanted off. He told me he would give me the other stuff but the computer I was not going to be able to touch. He said he would do it for me. I told him no because he doesn’t know what I need or how to do it. He said that if I had told him sooner that I was moving out he would have let me do it. I already have a plan in place for a bunch of people to come over and help me pack my things on Saturday morning. I found out last night that he said that he was probably going to be gone all day to plow snow. Now he’s blaming me for possibly losing his job because he has to call in and tell them he can’t come now because I sprung this on him last minute.
He has done many spiteful things behind my back that we agreed we would never do. I had originally agreed that I would tell him when I was moving out because I know he wants to be here to monitor me so I don’t take any of his stuff. But we also agreed that we would respect each other’s space. He talks to me and we agree on something and then he turns around and does it behind my back. I don’t feel he deserves for me to try and be nice anymore. I have been upholding any agreements that we made despite our issues, but he has not. He expects in return that which he does not give.
I want to move out in peace. I want to go, I want to leave and never have to come back. I don’t want him here harassing me or my friends. I don’t want his stuff, I want what’s mine and I want out.
I do not feel safe. I know that as soon as he sees those custody papers that he is going to try and come after me and my kids. He knows where I work; he knows where I park my car. He knows where the kids go to daycare, for the time being. I constantly live in fear. I have anxiety attacks and nightmares. I don’t want him coming after me or the kids when the divorce papers are served. I wouldn’t put it past him to take them and try to deny me access to them because he is a vindictive, spiteful little bastard.
I know this is not everything that has happened to me over the years. The lot of it was mental abuse, which I don’t think I can prove in court, but I hope that it is enough to grant me a PPO today.
Thank you for hearing my story
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